50 Times Severus Snape Laughed
by Harmonic Friction
Summary: And what exactly, I wondered, would the potions master find hysterical? 50 drabbles, each about a time during which Snape couldn't stop laughing. I'll be taking requests, which you can insert in your review. Details inside. R/R.
1. The New Girl

**A/N: **This is a fun challenge for me, as I've been working a lot with a darker Snape for my longfic _Not a Fairytale_. During this project, I hope to explore some of Snape's happier memories, whether they be slightly sadistic or wholly silly. There is no order, and the memories will be from all of his life. I always reply to all signed reviews, and for this fic I'll be taking writing prompts if you have something you'd like Snape to laugh about. **In a review, give me a word or a simple sentence you'd like to see Snape laughing about. If it's something I think will work and I use it, I'll credit your prompt before the drabble. **I've missed doing fic requests and haven't for quite some time. Maybe this will quell my thirst.

**Warning:** Some crack, some fluff, a little sadism, perhaps a bit of course language, comic mischief… etc. Since it's me, there may be mentions of slash-related things, but Snape himself will not be slashy. Basically, silliness. Will try to stick to canon but may take detours along the way.

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><p><em>50 Times Severus Snape Laughed<em>

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><p>"She had practically the best looking bum I've ever seen," Potter was saying loudly from the Gryffindor's dining table in the Great Hall. He was slung back in his seat, resting against Peter Pettigrew who seemed to be serving him as a footrest, which Severus found appropriate. "I've never seen her before—long flowing blonde hair, and the nicest little arse you ever did see."<p>

"We heard you the first time," replied Black, also just as loud. Severus resisted the urge to chuck his plate of mashed turnips at their table. "Well, introduce me. I'll have a better chance with her than you ever will—"

"Please," Potter said confidently, raising up his palm. "I saw her in the hallway outside Binns' classroom, so I'm planning to intercept her tomorrow. Cutest bum ever." Lupin shook his head behind a book.

"Was her bum cute? Didn't quite hear you," Black said wryly.

Pettigrew looked up seriously. "It was very cute, he said."

"Thanks, Peter," Potter grinned, and stretched. "By tomorrow, I'll have myself a good-looking blonde girlfriend. And you'll only have each other. Laters!" With that, he jumped off the bench (knocking Pettigrew askew in the process) and strutted out of the Great Hall, looking around as though trying to find his mystery woman.

Severus gritted his teeth and cracked his knuckles. With Potter's luck, Severus surmised he _would_, and it was aggravating. Potter got everything he wanted!

Beside Severus, Lucius Malfoy leaned in, sneering coldly. "I've something that will surely cheer you up. Potter will be getting detention tomorrow."

"And why is that?" asked Severus grouchily. He didn't much like when people, even his best friend Lucius, tried to get him out of a bad mood. It was insulting.

"That was no good-looking blonde girl," Lucius replied silkily, gathering up his school books, head boy badge all a glitter on his chest. "That was me."

Watching Lucius saunter out past the Hufflepuff table, Severus couldn't help but chortle darkly. And then soon, he was laughing. Once a minute had gone by, he was guffawing so hard he pounded on the table.

"Snivellus has lost it," Black told the others at Gryffindor. "He's utterly lost it. Though I suppose I'm not surprised. It was bound to happen."

Severus just laughed harder, and made sure to grin at the boys most wickedly on his way to Charms.


	2. No I in Team

A/N: Thanks so much for the prompts so far. I have all ready begun writing them. Here's one more of my own, and then I'll get to writing the request drabbles. Keep reading, reviewing, and suggesting; I'm having fun!

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><p>No "I" in Team<p>

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><p>"And from this day forward, I will be addressed by my chosen name," Riddle said impressively. "Tom Marvolo Riddle." He flicked his wand, and fiery letters sprang forth, spelling out his name.<p>

Severus watched in great interest, wondering where this was going. Lucius was right. The Death Eater thing was going to be quite cool. Though his arm still itched horribly, Severus adored his new skull and snake tattoo, and he'd already been asked to demonstrate several of the curses he'd invented. This was a place where he could be himself. He could break free of the Snivellus bonds, and begin to do what he'd always wanted: impress people. Never mind that Potter had finally ensnared Lily, no doubt by using some sort of second rate love potion. Severus would soon be in power, and Lily would be so impressed she'd be falling all over him quicker than he could say—

"I am Lord Voldemort!" shouted Riddle, and began to re-arrange the letters in the air by moving his wand. Bellatrix, Lucius, Regulus and the others burst out cheering. The anagram would have been impressive (Severus loved wordplay), but he squinted at it, confused.

"My _Lord!" _shrieked Bellatrix and began to kiss Riddle's feet.

Severus was still silent, trying to hold in his amusement. The words in the air did not spell _I Am Lord Voldemort. _

What they spelled was _Am I Vord Loldomert. _

Severus sniggered quietly.

Lucius shot him a horrendous look, and Bellatrix looked up dangerously from Riddle's feet.

"Is something amusing, Snape?" asked Riddle in his tinny, hollow voice. Riddle liked Severus well enough, but Bellatrix had been warning him Severus was weird. Perhaps Severus was pushing his luck, but being seen as weird was worth correcting this extremely uproarious error.

Severus merely pointed. He held in his reaction as Riddle's ears turned pink. He held it in as Riddle angrily waved the letters away. He even held it in as everyone turned around to stare at him.

Riddle smiled widely, as though he'd done it on purpose. "I'm beginning to see you'll be most useful to me, Severus. Thank you for being tactful enough to point out my mistake."

"You are quite welcome, my Vord," said Severus solemnly, and that was when he could hold it together no longer. His sniggers became loud laughs, and tears began to stream down his face. He bowed his tear-stained face and promptly swooped out of the room, laughing all down the hallway.


	3. Blue Balls

A/N: The first prompt, based off Twitch-Hopeless Savage's suggestion. Since it's THS, and we work like this, it gets a little deeper. I can't resist making him cry about Snape.

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><p>Blue Balls<p>

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><p>"I've been looking for you everywhere. Don't laugh, because what I'm about to show you is really terrible," said Lily Evans breathlessly. Severus looked up at her from the desk in the library he'd inhabited for most of the day.<p>

"You've surely known me long enough to know that the chances of me laughing at something terrible are far greater than anything else," Severus reminded her.

Lily pursed her lips. "Unfortunately, I'm aware of that. In other very unfortunate news, what I have to show you is your fault."

Now she had his full interest. Severus never liked being at fault, but especially when it came to Lily. She was the nicest person he knew, but that didn't stop her from being the scariest. And from the way her eyes had become slits, Severus could tell that he was due for some sort of telling off. He held back a sigh. "What have I done now?" he asked, trying not to sound accusatory or rude, two things Lily had been telling him she hated about him lately. It was far difficult enough trying to exist around his former best friend as an awkward fifteen year old in a gangly body, and even more so now that she'd become far more beautiful than anyone he'd ever set eyes on in his life. Most of the time now, he avoided her so that he wouldn't make a fool of himself in front of her.

"Lupin says that MacDonald says that Black says that Potter says you made a tonic for him, but passed it off as one that was made by Chang," said Lily crisply.

"Yes, I told Potter the tonic I made was from Chang," said Severus back. "Besides, since when have you been so interested in petty gossip? If you were still hanging 'round me I can assure you that you'd have better things to do than gossip," he muttered out of the side of his mouth.

He internally hoped that Lily had not found out that the tonic he'd made for Potter was not a tonic at all. It was too bad no one believed it was from Chang, but that wasn't really the point. Had Potter used it yet? If Lily was about to tell him off for the potion he'd made for Potter, it would be worth it .

"Shut up," Lily said, and before he could protest, she gripped him hard by the hand and flounced off with him to the girls' loo. Once inside, she dragged him into a stall. If he had the luck of any other bloke, he'd be hoping she'd taken him there to shag him. But this was his own life, and he figured he was going to get a lecture and at the very least, a shove.

"I don't understand what a toilet has to do with anything," Severus sneered, and then immediately went solemn at Lily's no-nonsense expression.

"You know, once everyone told me that Chang hadn't made it, I still trusted it. I thought it was so nice that you made that potion for Potter's cough. I thought it was _really _out of character for you," Lily began, and Severus' eyes drifted to the ceiling, wondering if he should feign innocence. Obviously, Potter had taken the potion, and now Severus had to deal with the consequences. He wondered if Potter would kill him.

"And it was," went on Lily. "I can't believe how stupid I was when I came down with the same cough, and I accepted the bottle of tonic that Potter said Chang gave him. Of course, that was this morning, before Chang was able to clear his name."

_Damn, so Potter didn't take it after all. _ "Oh no," he said.

"Oh yes," said Lily, her eyes flashing with an evil reserved specifically for him since the days of their childhood.

"Well, why would you accept that from Potter anyway? And why, might I ask, did you pick up the same cough? Were you and Potter swapping saliva? That's so disgusting, Lily, and furthermore, if you had taken that potion I don't really know what would have happened to you, because-"

Lily slapped her hand over Severus' mouth. "I accepted it because I thought Chang made it. I got the cough because Mary swapped saliva with Potter and didn't tell me, and then we split a milkshake in Hogsmede and she admitted it and burst out crying, and I _did _take the potion. And the reason why I've taken you here is not only because I'm exceedingly angry at you for doing this to me, but you know me well enough to be able to fix this problem logically. Just don't laugh."

And with no warning, Lily lifted up her skirt. In moments like this, Severus supposed it was helpful that he was only viewed as a friend, and that she thought the feeling was mutual. He stared in awe as she moved her pants aside.

And then, he stared. And stared. "Exactly what am I looking at?" he wanted to know.

"You've turned my privates into blue fish scales. You've essentially made me part merperson, and you're going to put it right. RIGHT NOW," commanded Lily.

"But...I don't know how to put it right, because..." Severus paused, wondering how to put this. He was still unable to take his eyes off what used to be her privates. "Because... the potion wasn't supposed to do that. It really wasn't, but it should wear off soon, because what I wanted to do to Potter was only set up to last five hours-"

Lily looked like she was about to spit fire. She lowered her skirt and folded her arms. "And what did you want to do to Potter?"

"I just thought it would be amusing if for five hours, he had no willy. It was supposed to recede. I thought then maybe he'd gain some perspective on life, and perhaps have a little more shame and a lot less swagger," Severus told her. "I didn't know you'd take it, and I definitely didn't know it would turn you blue down there, and I would like to help you, but I can't. But I will give it another look, if you wanted me to."

There was a pause.

"You wanted James Potter to lose his penis for five hours so he'd gain perspective on life?" Lily asked.

"That was the basic idea," he replied.

"It's brilliant, really," Lily said. "Now I wish I hadn't taken it. Do you think you could try giving it to him again?"

Severus stared at his former best friend, and a twitch of a smile occurred on his face.

"I mean... if you told Pettigrew to give it to him, he'd do it in an instant, he loves giving Potter presents," Lily said.

Severus cocked an eyebrow, and sniggered. Lily chortled. Severus laughed. Lily giggled. Severus guffawed. Lily shrieked with laughter. They laughed and laughed until Lily was resting her arm around his shoulder and Severus was holding his stomach because it hurt so much.

"Lily," he said through laughter, "I miss this."

"Me too," she grinned. "But I'm going to kill you for turning my bits blue."

"Your bits?" Severus cried out. They burst anew into laughter, Severus not even remembering to wish she'd actually shown him her privates because she fancied him.

One week later, Severus would be dangled upside down, and in a moment of weakness, would mistakenly call Lily a "Mudblood."


	4. I'm Nuts For You

A/N: Credit goes to chrisscientist for this prompt! Thanks so much for playing. Thanks all for the alerts/reviews. Keep suggesting!

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><p>The Love That Did Not Intentionally Speak Its' Name<p>

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><p>Hard at work during Potions class, Severus was vaguely aware of someone leaning over him. "Stop it," he snarled instantly. Slughorn was never any help in these situations. At the moment, he could be heard humming loudly from his office, no doubt dusting his creepy collection of photographs.<p>

A familiar barking laugh came from behind him. "Stop what? Turn around, and you'll see I'm not doing anything."

"Black, I've known you for six years. It's obvious you want me to turn around so you can do something to me. Some sort of prank, no doubt. I highly suggest you keep your eye on that love potion you're brewing. Salazar knows why Slughorn trusted any of you dolts to concoct one properly."

Behind him, Black sighed. "Come on, Snivellus. Turn around."

Severus ignored him, instead working on his liquid luck project. They'd had the choice between love potion or Felix Felicis, and Severus had been one of the only students to take on liquid luck. It did not surprise him, for most of his peers were empty-headed idiots with cardboard for brains. Not surprisingly, a few moments later Severus felt Black tapping his shoulder with something—a Potions tool, no doubt.

"Leave me alone," Severus said firmly, and thrust his elbow backward.

"Gah!" Black yelled out, and there was a great clattering noise, followed by a clump, a splash, several shouts, and the sound of simmering liquid. The other students in class did not laugh; they merely stared in surprise. It wasn't often that Black made himself look like an arse. Finally, Severus looked behind him. Doubly amusing, he thought with a grim grin, for both Potter and Black were lying on the floor next to their upturned cauldron. The liquid was everywhere.

"You'll clean up this mess!" Potter ordered, wiping off his shirt with a frown. "And then you'll re-do our potion, or give us yours—"

"I'll do no such thing," Severus snapped. "Black was tormenting me, it's his fault—"

"It's not his fault," argued Potter so convincingly that even Severus had to recount what had actually happened. "Hey everyone, did Sirius provoke Snivelly?" The crowd murmured in Potter's favor, of course.

Severus gritted his teeth and scowled. "YOU ALL KNOW HE DID IT!" Severus yelled.

"No one else thinks he did," said Potter devilishly. "Sirius, you're in the clear."

Suddenly, Sirius Black did a very strange thing. He clamped Potter in a hug and kissed him on the lips. The classroom went silent.

Severus' eyes widened. Pettigrew clapped. Lupin rolled his eyes and went back to his Potions textbook. Lily clamped her hand over her mouth to hide her amusement.

_"Mmmmmuah!"_ Black said, pulling out of the kiss and grinning cheekily. "Thanks, James—you always save my life. Did I mention how perfectly dreamy you are?"

"Er… uh… Heh heh," said Potter uncomfortably, scratching the back of his neck and grimacing.

"Look at these muscles," Black went on, and slid his hand up Potter's arm. "Ooh. You're probably not joking when you say you're the most flexible Chaser Hogwarts has ever seen. Just how flexible are you, Jamsie?" He winked lecherously. "Don't tell me, though. I'd like to find out… later."

"Dear…sweet…" Potter said, trailing off. He looked around at everyone while shrugging, a horrified expression plastered on his face. He was rather sensitive at times like this. He'd never been the same since third year, when he'd mistaken Lucius Malfoy for an attractive female foreign exchange student.

"If you're a Chaser, can I be your Seeker? Because I think I'm seeking a little bit of a chase with you, James Potter," Black said, and wiggled his eyebrows. He leapt into Potter's lap and began to stroke his face. "Oh, I just love your bangy-wangs," he said, and patted Potter's trademark rumpled hair. Potter tried to jump up, but Black held him down and squeezed him in a hug reminiscent of a boa constrictor wrapped around a rabbit.

"Are they a couple?" called out Mulciber from the back row. Mulciber was very small, and often missed important details.

"Not exactly. Due to his overwhelming stupidity, Black's been soaked in love potion," Severus told everyone in a loud voice. "He's basically the human equivalent of a squirrel that's eaten too many fermented berries—"

"Did you hear that? Snivellus has called me a squirrel," said Black gleefully. "Does that make you my wittle chippie-whippy monkmonk? Does that make you wittle chippie-whippy monkmonk?" he warbled.

"NOOO!" Potter screamed. "NO, IT DOES NOT MAKE ME YOUR WITTLE CHIPPIE-WHIPPY MONKMONK!"

Severus had never seen Potter so enraged. That, mixed in with the fact that Black had now stripped down to his briefs and was doing a very sexy dance, brought Severus to a bout of loud laughter.

And then, something happened that had never gone on before. The entire class followed his lead.

As James Potter sat there mortified and Black slapped his own arse, Severus and the rest of his peers howled with fiendish laughter.

Slughorn burst out of his office, twirling his mustache. "What have I missed?" he asked delightedly, and then his face grew confused as he noticed Black dancing.

"Oh, you've missed a lot," said Black conversationally. "James is as mighty as a centaur, and I've fallen madly in love with him."

"NOOO!" screamed Potter.

The class burst into raucous laughter, Severus nearly falling over.

"Dear me," said Slughorn, and instantly produced a tonic.


End file.
